Things are going… better.

I think I’m getting the hang of some things again. It’s hard to explain what kinds of things. DBT would call one of the things “Mastery”, which is like taking responsibility for yourself in a healthy way. I’ve been working on my self confidence, and my capabilities. It’s kind of weird… but in my first weeks of pregnancy I actually found myself so tired and nauseous at times, that I became bored from being stationary all the time. So, I started playing WoW again, to make up for it, which helped a lot! But as the worst of it passed, my habit remained. It hasn’t really gone on for more than a month, but before I fell pregnant I was making some great changes in my life. After getting used to yoga and eating well, I was very motivated and happy. First trimester really took the wind out of those sails. Happiness for me is so precarious. It’s a goal that I work for, not really something that I exist alongside. I think I’m getting better at regulating happiness, though, and seeing how best to get it long term.

It’s kind of hard to explain this kind of thing without being redundant…

I have hope, though. That’s all I’m really trying to say.