I feel so out of control.

Sometimes I just feel like I can’t trust anything I feel. I feel like I need time with my therapist at least twice a week, just to keep up with how often my head is changing it’s mind on things. I feel so betrayed by myself, and actually, betrayed even by health care, because the times I repeat to myself, simply, “Your mother didn’t love you. You’re an adult now,” are the times which I feel the most clarity. But I feel like this approach isn’t attempted at all with therapy, just a constant exploration of the stupid-ass fucking confused feelings that I’m going through. Is that really helpful? Why encourage me to even talk about this crap going through my head? It’s all just a delusion spiraling from my Self being stuck in my childhood home when it needs to move on. None of it’s real and I have no idea what I think or want or am. I will catastrophize my own life until it caves in and I have no one left to care.